What Lead Me Here?

Life before I quit my last job:

I sit down on the train on a cold winter morning—an hour and a half left on the commute after a 30-minute red-eye drive through the woods to the train station. I’m gripping a hot gas-station coffee to unfreeze my hands. I throw on an MMA podcast and try to forget what the day ahead looks like. I yawn, lean my head against the window, and daydream about a different life.

Finally, Grand Central. I step off into a swarm of people funneling down the tracks of Grand Central Terminal—headphones on, backpacks up, red eyes, no smiles. "A herd of sheep", I think. This must be the Matrix. And I’m a part of it.

Walking toward my office, my stomach knots tighter with every block. I know what’s waiting: three monitors, hundreds of legal docs to sift, hours of number crunching, and grueling white papers on topics I despise. All while surrounded by managers who don’t even say good morning—but instead just send vague emails with more tasks, even though they’re ten feet away from me.

I’ll figure out how to interpret whatever task I was given—but I won’t dare ask for help. That’s how you end up with a negative mark on your performance for the day. If I do it perfectly, no one thanks me. Good. If I make a small mistake—maybe something that wasn’t even in the instructions—my job gets threatened, I'll be named called, belittled, and they'll slander my name behind my back.

When that happens, I grab the ab-rollout wheel next to my desk and go till failure (true fact). I did a lot of ab rollouts. I’d clench my teeth and pray I could leave at a normal time, just to make it back in time for the night jiu-jitsu class back home two hours away.

I quit this job earlier this year in pursuit to create something meaningful to me: Mat Ethos.

Some people have jobs they love—and that’s amazing. Others have jobs that drain all the joy this beautiful planet has to offer. That’s a damn shame.

From Weak to Strong

As a kid, I was weak and timid. No confidence. Easy to bully. I thought I was stupid, unathletic, unattractive. I started lifting as a teenager—at first just as an excuse to get out of the house and socialize. After a couple years, I noticed something: when you’re consistent, you grow. When you do hard things and push yourself, you grow.

I became obsessed. Through the rest of high school and all of college, my identity was “gym rat.” It was the first time I allowed myself the chance to get good at something. Really good. People don’t always see weightlifting as a skill. If you happened to have trained with me during those times, you'd know it weirdly was.

Martial arts took these lessons to a whole new level—as I’ll talk more about in a later post. It taught me real, true confidence. It showed me the present—rather forced me into the present. It killed my ego, one that may have grown a little too big from years as a gym rat. It showed me the importance of humility and instilled it into me. It helps me control my emotions. Showed me the power of perseverance in a real way. It deepened my sense of respect. It reinforced my belief in kindness and peace.

And of course, has given me a real passion: Mat Ethos. Mat is a symbol of training, of struggle. Ethos is a Greek word for character. Together, Mat Ethos means the lessons you learn on the mat—and how you carry them into the rest of your life.

Put simply: the character of the martial artist.

My Goals with this brand:

My "selfish" goal with this brand is simple: be free. Free financially. Free from a corporation or a boss. Free to live how I want, doing what I love. Free to live by my purpose.

My "selfless" goals: show people they can find a purpose, monetize it, and stop living a life someone else designed. Prove it’s possible to make real money and still wake up loving what you do. My "selfless goal" is to show people not to give a flying fuck about what others think. To remind others to stay present. To push yourself—not just mentally, but physically too.

My selfless goal is to give back—donations, community work, martial arts programs. I want to help fighters and martial artists get paid through partnerships and endorsements. And of course, make the dopest, comfiest, best-performing gear I can. Drip my customers out and give them a community and a movement to belong to.

Many walk, but few wander freely.